All About Brothers & Sisters

What do I do if my younger brother or sister follows me around everywhere and will not leave me alone?

First, it is important to realize that your younger brother or sister likely wants to be more like you and is therefore trying to copy your behaviour and hang around with you and your friends. This is normal and is actually a complement to you, although it can be difficult to see it that way.

To deal with this, you can try to be a good role model for your younger brother or sister and let him or her know that you do not mind if he or she occasionally spends time with you or your friends, and you can try to schedule these times. Remember that you should try to be flattered by this and that you probably would act in a similar way if you were the younger sibling. Try to keep in mind as well that your younger brother or sister will gradually outgrow this behaviour in time as he or she becomes more independent and thus this behaviour is usually relatively short-lived. However, the more you complain and protest the more he or she will want to hang around because it annoys you so watch your reactions!

Why does my brother act as though he hates me?

It is important to keep in mind that even though your brother may act as though he hates you, chances are good that this is not true. He probably gets annoyed with your behaviour but this does not mean that he hates you. Talk with your brother when you are both calm (i.e. not when you are arguing) about your concerns. Maybe you are doing something that he finds annoying that you did not realize you were doing. I am sure he does something that annoys you as well. We can be annoyed by people and still care about them. When you are feeling down about your relationship, try to remember the good times and the things that your sibling admires about you. It is human nature to focus on the negative but it is also important to look at the positive in order to see the complete picture. Also, try to remember that over time, sibling relationships tend to grow just as we do and that things will very likely improve between the two of you. even if it is gradual and in small steps.

How can I improve my relationship with my brother or sister?

It is perfectly normal to have rough spots and conflict in any relationship and your relationship with your brother or sister is no exception. All relationships, including sibling relationships, require some work, commitment, and effort, just as school and other activities require some work and effort. The important point is that you are family and will always likely share a very special bond and connection. 

To improve your relationship, you can try to improve your communication with each other and be honest about your feelings, thoughts, and needs in a tactful manner. It is often good to let people in your life know how you feel about them because they often do not realize how you feel (they cannot read your mind). You can make an effort to spend more time with one another doing an activity you both enjoy, such as going to a movie, eating at a restaurant, or going swimming, biking, walking, etc. You may want to schedule one day every week or two or even join a club or class together. Spending quality time with each other is important to building and maintaining a good relationship.

Why do I fight with my brother and sister and what can I do about it?

All brothers and sisters have arguments and conflicts from time to time. It is common for people who live together or see each other frequently to have some arguments. Arguments may start from a misunderstanding or from personality traits or behaviours that annoy the other person. Another big factor is the past arguments. Many times one person is hurt by something another said, but rather than talk to them about it they just get into more arguments because they are hurt and angry. 

If a conflict does arise, the best thing to do is agree ahead of time to leave the situation and come back when you are calm and talk about it (and really listen to what each other is saying), rather than argue or physically fight. Arguments rarely solve the conflict, because no one is listening, and will not help to reduce the likelihood of problems in the future. If you feel that the conflict is getting out of hand, an impartial person, preferably an adult such as a parent, teacher, minister or a counsellor, could get involved to help resolve it. Remember that almost all conflicts can be solved and that it is best to try to stay calm when one does arise and not to overreact but rather to try to appreciate the other person’s point of view and be as understanding as possible. A good rule (which is often forgotten) is to try to treat other people as you yourself would like to be treated.

For help with relationships contact 
the Teen Health Centre at (519) 253-8481
and ask to speak to a counsellor