How To Improve Your Relationship With Your Parents

During adolescence, teens and parents may often argue about a number of issues. Usually this conflict is the result of a teen developing an own identity. This means that teens begin to have opinions, thoughts and values about life.

Parents often have a hard time adjusting to this change. There is usually a big difference between when teens see themselves as adult and when their parents do. Remember that your parents are responsible for you but most of all they want to protect you from getting hurt or getting into trouble.

In order to decrease the amount of conflict and arguing, it is important that both teens and their parents learn how to better communicate and compromise. One of the biggest problems with arguments is that no one listens to the other person. Within this section we have listed examples of typical stressful situations between teens and parents and some suggestions of how to compromise. It is usually a safe bet that no one wants to argue but many people just don’t know how to stop. Here are some suggestions.

Wanting a later curfew
This is a very common and on going request by teens, especially as they grow older. In order to have this wish even considered, teens must first prove that they are responsible enough to handle this added privilege. This may be done in several ways:

1. Come home on time (or even early) for your current curfew.

2. Complete any household chores by the agreed upon dates and times.

3. Keep up good grades.

4. Treat your parents with “respect” (no “mouthing back” or aggressive behaviour).

Another way to earn a later curfew is to ensure that your parents trust you. This can be accomplished by being truthful about where you spend your time and with whom. If your parents believe that you are able to balance all the different areas of your life and be responsible and truthful, they will often consider a later curfew. Keep in mind that they do not care how late Joey’s or Sandra’s curfew is so leave that out of your discussion. Also, try to remember to be reasonable, you might start out by asking for a 15-minute extension and come up with some repercussions if you are late. Being willing to volunteer ideas for “fair” punishments and stick to them is another way to show that you are maturing. Remember that in any case you will have to earn it and keep in mind that there will still be limits placed upon your curfew according to your age and what your parents consider appropriate. Your parents may not be willing to consider a later curfew right now, perhaps they may consider extending it at your next birthday or just for special occasions (again provided you are truthful and responsible).

Chores
Parents often complain about having to repeatedly remind their teens to complete their chores. As a result, parents become quite frustrated which leads to an increase in conflict between teens and their parents. Teens feel that their parents are nagging and parents see their teens as irresponsible. A major problem with nagging is that it does tend to make the teen less motivated to complete the task because they are annoyed. Another major problem is that parents tend to want the chore done on their schedule rather than the teen’s schedule (i.e. do it now, not at the end of that TV show). One compromise is for parents and teens to write out a list of weekly chores together (or a specific chore for a specific day). No one likes chores but maybe you don’t mind doing laundry so much but you hate to dust or take out the garbage. If you can choose some that are your responsibility and assign both a day and/or time that they need to be completed you may feel more control. Also, it means that your parents don’t have to nag you about it all the time. You and your parents also need to decide on an appropriate consequence if the chore is not completed and you need to stick to the consequence if you do not complete the chore. Doing chores involves being responsible and parents should not be constantly reminding their teens of the list. Ask your parents to let you show that you can be responsible but then actually be responsible about it, you might be surprised at how it can change things around your house.

For help with relationships contact 
the Teen Health Centre at (519) 253-8481
and ask to speak to a counsellor