From TeenHealthCentre.com

Dating
What Parents Need To Know About Teen Dating
By
Nov 8, 2004, 17:03

What Parents Need To Know About Teen Dating

The Basics of Dating

For parents, your teen’s desire to begin dating can be pretty nerve wracking. You might be thinking you’re teenager is too young or that he/she doesn’t know what they’re getting into, especially regarding sex. You might just be worried that they’ll have their heart broken. In this article we’ll address when adolescents start dating, how to have “the talk”, and dating violence. Should you require more information there are resources at the end of this article that you may find helpful.

When Is My Teenager Ready To Date?

For a teenager, age is not what should determine when they’re ready to date. The onset of puberty and the subsequent heightening of interest in the opposite sex are better indicators. Most teens will start group dating (when a co-ed group of teens go out together for an activity e.g. a movie, skating) when they are around 13. This breaks off into what we conventionally consider a date in the later teens. However, it is important to set boundaries with your child and keep activities age appropriate. Setting an age when they are “allowed” to date might help. Encouraging them to go out with a group of people and not date one person exclusively will help teach them what they want in a partner and keep the risk of teen sex down.

Dating is an important part of being a teenager. It helps them explore the process of beginning relationships as well as ending them. It provides them with companionship and sexual gratification (not necessarily sex). Dating also helps them find and test different identities, thereby discovering who they are and what they expect from a mate. However, as with most things there are drawbacks. Early dating can lead to early sexual activity, which may occur before the teen is emotionally or physically ready. Some teenagers lose themselves in a relationship and are not able to get out. Others might feel that in order to keep the relationship they have to forfeit their self-esteem or morals. Disruptions or problems in these early relationships may lead to further problems in their adult relationships. For example, teenagers who do not learn to respect themselves in a relationship may always seek out men/women who demean them or don’t treat them with the respect they deserve.

Take heart, teen dating is more about experimentation with romantic feelings rather than around deep emotions of love or intimacy. Most teen relationships last less than one year. Of teens in relationships that go on to college, virtually none of them last the transition.

Dating Violence – What you NEED to know

More than 10% of teenagers experience physical violence in a dating relationship. Teen dating violence can happen to anyone, absolutely anyone.

Before your teen starts dating you should talk to them about date violence and date rape. Teach your teen that no one in their peer group should have the right to tell them who to see, what to wear, or what to do. Talk to them about the warning signs of an abusive relationship and remind them that you are around if they need help.

Some Warning Signs (that your teen might be in an abusive relationship):

  • Sudden changes in clothing or make-up
  • Bruises, scratches, or other injuries
  • Difficulty making decisions on her/his own
  • Sudden changes in mood or personality, becoming anxious or depressed, acting out or being secretive

If you notice any of these warning signs, talk to your teenager about his/her relationship. Focus on your child and do not put down the (potentially) abusive partner. Point out how unhappy your teen seems while with this person. If your teen tries to break up with an abusive partner, advise that the break be definite and final. Support your teen’s decision and be ready to help.

Some teenagers in abusive relationships will not seek help, especially from their parents. They might be embarrassed or ashamed and are afraid of getting hurt. It might be that they know they are in a bad relationship but think they are “in love” and are worried that their parents will make them break up. Alternatively, they might be confused and think that this is what a relationship is all about. These teens typically have little or no dating experience and think that being involved with someone is the most important thing in his or her life. Or they don’t think that their friends and others won’t believe them since the abuser acts nice when around them. It is for these reasons that it is important to talk to your child about dating violence before it becomes an issue. Your teenager needs to know that you will not judge them and that you are an available resource should they run into trouble.

“The Talk” Talking To Your Teen About Sex & Dating

Talking to your child about sex is very important especially before they start dating. This talk should be on going and evolve as your child matures. Ideally, it should involve both parents as each of you brings a different perspective into the mix. Some of the things you can talk about include:

  • Respecting yourself and your partner
  • Taking a relationship one step at a time – remembering it’s okay to say “no” at any time
  • Hygiene is an important part of dating and sexuality
  • Masturbation as a healthy alternative to sexual intercourse
  • Oral sex
  • STD’s and Pregnancy
  • Safe Sex – Contraceptives and Abstinence
  • Let them know your views about pre-marital sex and teenage pregnancy
  • Talk to them about love, and how sex can be one form of expression of that love and that there are many other ways to express your feelings
  • Encourage abstinence as a way to prevent pregnancy and STDs
  • Your rules about dating – ex. curfew and meeting their date before the outing
  • Make sure you child knows your guidelines and expectations about dating, you can create these guideline together before your teen begins dating
  • Talk to him/her about your families values, especially those involving respecting yourself and your partner

If you feel uncomfortable talking to your child/teenager about sex, you can always get them a book about the aforementioned topics and discuss the book. Let your teen know that you are available to talk to them about sex and dating and that they shouldn’t be ashamed or afraid to come to you when they have questions or need help. It’s better they learn about sex and relationships from you than their peers.

For More Information About Teen Dating:
http://www.parentsoup.com/archive/0,9372,262575,00.html
Articles about issues related to teen dating

http://www.byparents-forparents.com/article8.html
Teen Dating – Is my child old enough?

http://www.teenadvice.org/dating
Direct your teen to this site for questions and answers they might be embarrassed to ask you

http://www2.mms.org/pages/tip_teendating.asp
Dating violence, what parents need to know

http://quiz.ivillage.com/parentsoup/tests/teensex.htm
Talking to Kids About Sex – A Quiz for Parents

http://www.parentsoup.com/
10 Bases To Cover When You Talk To Your Teen About Sex

http://www.ncpc.org/10yth3.htm 
National Crime Prevention Council
Information about Date Rape

Additional Resources:
www.teenmomsclub.com


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