Sexuality
For Parents of Gay/Lesbian Teens
By
Nov 9, 2004, 16:29

For Parents of Gay/Lesbian Teens

For some parents finding out their son or daughter is gay might come as a shock. Even if you suspected the news was coming it’s difficult to be prepared. It’s ok to feel shocked, upset, confused – but it’s equally important to try and listen to what your child is saying to you and understand that telling you might be the hardest thing he/she has had to do thus far.

As a parent it’s natural to be concerned and inquisitive about your child’s discovery. Many parents think they would be happier if they didn’t know about their child’s sexual orientation. Most likely your child confided in you because they want you to know the whole them and they feel that if they left out their sexuality you wouldn’t see the complete person. They want you to support and understand them. Homosexuals do not choose their sexual orientation. The only choice they have is if they want you to know or not. Telling you shows they trust you and are asking for your acceptance.

You might be concerned that your child will find life more difficult. People are not as accepting as gays or lesbians as we would like them to be. Most likely your child will find themselves the butt of jokes, discriminated against and possible physically attacked because of their sexual orientation. This is when they are going to need your support more than ever. Being a teenager is difficult enough when you’re straight, it’s even harder when you’re gay.

For some parents it is not going to be difficult to accept that their child is gay. Often these parents have friends or family members who are also gay and this helps them understand what their child is going through. This is not the norm, at least not yet. If you are not prepared for the news you’ll find that it’s going to be hard, but not impossible, to accept that your child is gay. As with any major life change, acceptance takes time and won’t happen overnight. It’s important to talk with your child about their decision to better understand what they are experiencing and how you can best support them.

There is a great support group, “Parents, family and friends of Lesbian and Gays” a.k.a. PFLAG. They can be found on line at www.pflag.ca . Additional resources, which you might find informative, can be found at the end of this article. Chances are your teen is just as confused about being gay as you are about them. The more information you can both get and share the better you will both be able to understand what being gay means and how it’s not so different from being straight.

Straight or gay, people seek companionship and love. Straight or gay, people seek acceptance for who they are. Please try to keep that in the forefront of your mind as you try to understand what it is to be a gay. It’s not a mental disease, it’s not “your fault” it’s not “their fault”, they’re not “being gay” to upset your or rebel, it’s just who they are.

Additional Resources:
http://www.bidstrup.com/cool.htm
Will give you an idea of what your child is going through.

http://www.qrd.org/qrd/youth/be.yourself
Written by the organization – Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays.
Focus on teens and self-identity.

http://www.sexualityandu.ca/eng
Section for Teens and one for Parents/Teachers.
How to talk to teens about sexual orientation.

http://www.pflag.ca
Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians & Gays.
Gay friendly site for people who have gay loved ones and want to support them.

http://www.outproud.org/brochure_for_parents.html
Specifically for parents of gay teens/youth.

http://www.outproud.org
For youth and parents, info on a wide variety of youth gay issues, such as coming out to your parents.
News of relevance to the gay community.

http://content.gay.com/channels/home/parents
Informative resource for parents.
Links to helpful articles such as this one: http://www.angelfire.com/co/lesmom/index.html written by a mother coming to terms with her lesbian daughter.

http://www.aacap.org/web/aacap/publications/factsfam/63.htm
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry

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