Teen Behaviour
Bullying - A Parent's Resource
By
Nov 9, 2004, 19:08

Bullying - A Parent's Resource 

What is Bullying?

Bullying is a conscious and willful act of aggression and/or manipulation by one or more people against another person or people. Sometimes it is premeditated and continues for years, however, it does not have to be recurring to be considered an offense. Bullying is intended to cause harm, physically, emotionally or both. Often the one doing the bullying is trying to cause an imbalance of power in their favour, making them appear in control and more powerful than his/her victim. The result it often low self-esteem and possibly depression, or suicide (in extreme cases) for the victim. If the bully is over 12 years old, bullying can be considered a criminal act. Unfortunately, bullying is not a problem that will resolve itself and the enduring effects on its victims are usually devastating.

Common Types of Bullying

• Physical – pushing, kicking, hitting, pinching and other forms of violence or threats

• Verbal – name-calling, sarcasm, rumors, persistent teasing

• Emotional – excluding, tormenting, ridicule, humiliation

• Racist – racial taunts, name calling

• Sexual – unwanted physical contact, abusive comments, obscene gestures, remarks about body, sexual demands, suggestive statements

• Sexual Preference – teasing because of sexual orientation

Who are the Bullies?

Bullies tend to be children who have been bullied or abused themselves. Generally bullies are kids with poor social skills, who don’t “fit in”, and who feel they can’t meet the expectations of their family/school/peer group. They can also just be kids who are experiencing challenging life experiences and feel helpless. Most bullies bully to feel in control, competent, and successful. Children who systematically bully others usually have a group of children they bully regularly, while other bullies randomly target a variety of students.

Who Are the Victims?

Victims of bullies are usually kids with low self-esteem, who are insecure, and those who cry or become emotionally distraught easily. Often these children are unable to defend themselves and are too timid to seek adult assistance. Most kids will be approached by a bully very early in their schooling or when they change schools. It is often the child’s reaction to the first encounter that will determine if they are bullied again. If the child demonstrates vulnerability they will often be singled out as victims. However, some kids are singled out just because of their race, religion, sexuality, disability or sex.

What if My Child is Being Bullied?

There are several steps you as a parent can take to help your child deal with being bullied. You should get as much information from your child as possible regarding their situation, this will help you assess the problem and determine the next step. For example, if your child is being bullied at school you might want to contact the school’s guidance department for assistance. You can try determining how your child reacts to the bully. If your child is timid, or gets visibly upset, it might help to suggest to your child to agree with the bully and walk away. This way the bully isn’t getting the reaction that he/she wants and might just move on, leaving your child alone.

If you choose to contact the bully’s parents, remember they will probably become defensive. You will have to remain calm to get the answers you want. Remember your goal is a safe, nurturing environment. More often than not the bully’s parents will have no idea their child is harassing yours.

A last resort or if the bullying is serious would be contacting the police and reporting the harassment.

What If My Child Is The Bully?

You get the call and some parent is complaining to you that your child is bullying their child. Now what? It is very important to stay calm, you’ll get more information this way and you’ll be better able to understand what’s happening and how you should deal with it. If your child is a bully, remember that this behaviour is probably coming from your child’s feelings of vulnerability. When talking to you child try to focus on these points:

• Bullying is not acceptable in our family or society.

• Suggest some positive ways to work out anger or aggression.

• Ask, “How can I help you with this?” “Who can you go to in school if you see yourself getting into this situation again?”

• Specify the consequences if the aggression or bullying continues.

• You want to stop the behaviour, understand your child’s feelings, then teach and reward more appropriate behaviour.

What are schools doing to prevent bullying?

The Windsor/Essex County School Board is implementing a plan to abolish bullying in all of their schools. They have developed a non-tolerance commitment to curb bullying and create a caring community. It was designed to create a positive, pro-social school climate. Their goal is to shift power away from the bullies and empower the silent majority (those who look on as others are bullied). There is a school wide discipline plan in place and staff and students are being trained to know what will not be tolerated and the consequences of bullying. Students are encouraged to use HA HA SO strategies if they find themselves the subject of bullying. The School Board is committed to keeping students safe, and will not tolerate violence of any kind.

As A Parent, How Can I Prevent Bullying?

Talk to your children early about bullying and explain to them that it is a form of harassment and will be taken seriously. Teach your children to speak up on behalf of themselves and others who are being bullied. Explain that bullying starts with making fun of and picking on others and that this behaviour is unacceptable. Children do not learn to solve these problems on their own, and require guidance. It’s never too late to talk to your child about the importance of respecting themselves and others.

Resources and Informative Websites:

www.safechild.org/bullies.htm

www.kidscape.org.uk/parents/parentsindex.shtml

www.vuw.ac.nz/education/anti-bullying/

www.bullying.org - a Canadian support website for kids being bullied

www.bullybeware.com - informative site for kids and parents

www.bullying.co.uk/parents/parentsl_advice.htm - advice for parents on how to deal with finding out your child is being bullied or is a bully.

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