Relationships
Peer Pressure
By Teen Health Centre
Oct 29, 2004, 14:55

Peer Pressure

What is Peer Pressure?
Peer pressure is a type of force applied to get us to do something other people are doing. We all want to feel like we belong. We want to feel valued, cared about, appreciated and understood. With all of the competition over grades, athletics, having the right clothes, etc., teens can sometimes feel like an “outsider” among their peers. 

If you feel left out of the “right” cliques, you may be tempted to find any clique just to belong somewhere. You don’t have to choose between belonging to the “wrong” crowd or no crowd. Be patient. You will feel like you belong if you spend time with people whose values and behaviour feel good to you, people who are doing things you enjoy and feel are right for you. This means making friends with those who will like you regardless of what you wear, where you came from, or what you look like. 

There is a lot of talk about negative “peer pressure”. What about positive “peer pressure”? Can’t friends be a good influence?

Although it seems more common to hear about peer pressure as the reason for many negative behaviors of adolescents, in reality peers play a very important part helping their friends. Peers can and do act as positive role models. For example peers often listen to, accept, and understand certain frustrations associated with being a teenager. Peers provide an opportunity for teens to feel capable and belong, and to have fun. If you do something positive (like volunteering or making a donation to charity) and encourage your friends to do the same, you are exerting “positive peer pressure.” 

How do I know if a peer group is not right for me?

If you find that you’re changing in order to keep your friends, feel used, or are doing some things that you don’t like (smoking, stealing, drug use) just to hold on to these friendships, then you need to find some new friends who share your values and common interests. It may be helpful for you to be aware of the traits you believe are found in peers that make good friends. Take a friendship quiz or see friends for more information.

Some of my friends smoke and are asking me to try it too. Sometimes they really pressure me. How do I say “No” without offending them?

Your true friends won’t insist you try. They’ll respect your choice. You may want to rehearse your response with your parents, another adult, or another friend. Perhaps you might say you don’t want to smoke as it is unhealthy, your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t want to kiss an ashtray, or you’re concerned your parents may find out. Smoking is a very dangerous, addicting and expensive habit to start. Think very carefully about this one. Remember you cannot control your friend’s behaviors, but you can continually make healthy personal choices that are right for you.

For help with self-esteem contact 
the Teen Health Centre at (519) 253-8481
and ask to speak to a counsellor

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